FAQ’s: What to expect from couples therapy
There’s still a persistent stigma around couples therapy—the idea that if you need it, your relationship must be broken. But that couldn’t be further from the truth.
Most couples come not because they’ve failed, but because they care. Because something isn’t working—and they’re willing to get curious, instead of staying stuck.
Couples therapy isn’t about blame, or rehashing old arguments week after week. It’s about interrupting the cycles and patterns that keep you disconnected. It’s about learning to communicate maturely. In a way that builds empathy, safety, and repair.
We begin by turning down the emotional heat so both partners can feel heard. From there, conflict becomes a doorway—not a dead end. It reveals what you each long for beneath the surface: to be seen, to be respected, to feel connected again.All of us are going to hit bumps in the road in our most intimate relationships. That’s a fact. Yet the irrational fear persists that if you have gotten to the point where you need couples counseling, it means your relationship is really on the rocks and headed for divorce or separation.
While sometimes divorce or separation turns out to be the most compassionate route forward, the assumption that couples therapy is the last pit stop before the end couldn’t be further from the truth for many couples. When you make the decision to go to couples counseling, you’re at a point where you’re humble enough to realize you don’t have all the answers. You’re both suffering and you want another perspective.
How is couples therapy different than individual therapy?
Couples therapy moves differently than individual therapy. There are three of us in the room—and the relationship is the client.
Many partners arrive hoping I’ll help “fix” the other person. But this work requires each of you to take responsibility for your part. Together, we’ll explore:
What patterns are keeping you stuck
Where empathy and flexibility need to grow
Which relational “agreements” need to be renegotiated
How to navigate difference, hurt, or disconnection without collapse
The work deepens when we’re able to ask hard questions—like:
What am I not taking responsibility for?
Where am I resisting influence? What are the limitations I must accept?
Where is there room for maturity? Responsibility? Change?
What if your partner is reluctant?
t’s not uncommon for one partner to feel hesitant or resistant. Therapy can feel vulnerable—especially if you’ve never done it before. If that’s the case, individual therapy can be a good starting point.
And know this: vulnerability doesn’t mean you lose your edges. It means you learn to share in a way that’s boundaried, grounded, and emotionally safe.
If your partner is open to it, I always recommend a brief consultation with both of you before starting—so we can clear up fears, set expectations, and see if the fit feels right.
Finding the right therapist for your relationship
In couples therapy, both of you need to feel supported. It’s not about picking a side—it’s about holding the system with compassion and clarity.
As your therapist, I’ll challenge each of you when it’s needed. I’ll track the dynamic that’s keeping you stuck, and offer tools to shift it. I’m not here to play referee—I’m here to guide you toward relational skillfulness, mutual respect, and emotional repair.
Like any relationship, this one takes trust. I suggest giving it two sessions to feel it out. You’ll know if it’s a space where growth is possible.
How long will couples therapy take?
Understandably, most couples want to know how long the process will take. But there’s no one-size-fits-all answer—because every relationship is different, and so is the work it takes to repair or reimagine it.
Some couples come in seeking a communication reset or clarity around a decision. Others are navigating the aftermath of betrayal, years of emotional disconnection, or cycles that have calcified over time. The timeline depends on the depth of the wound, your shared willingness to grow, and how much capacity you have to take responsibility for your role in the dynamic.
That said, therapy isn’t meant to be indefinite. I work in a solution focused, intentional way. The goal isn’t just insight. It’s integration. And that takes both time, intention and practice. Every individual and couple has a unique set of challenges and issues that bring them to therapy.
Inquire to discover how I can support you in your journey towards wholeness and stability.